That's What She Said.
Some important words for anyone with writer’s block

Hello, my name is Anne T. Donahue (it’s all pronounced “Kevin”), and I am a writer. And I get it, you guys. Already, you’re thinking “oh man — what a life she leads. One full of mystery and adventure and toast.” And to that I say, absolutely. I eat a freakish amount of bread. So much so that it’s probably unhealthy. I honestly don’t think anybody should eat that much, but that’s between me, my digestive system, and the guy who makes the cheese buns at the supermarket, and it’s not even really any of his business. But so what! Who cares! We’re here to talk about writing.

Currently, I am experiencing writer’s block which is a feat I achieve at least 2529525825 times a day because I am a normal human adult. The other day I had to Google what a “horcrux” was. As in: I Googled “what did Voldemort hide” and when nothing came up I wrote “Dumbledore ring what.” These are just the kind of things that a writer does when they try to come up with a tweet or a joke or a joke-tweet, you understand. We think in a very special, romantic sense. (I am in a relationship with Kevin, which is what I’ve named my last cheese bun.) 

But in case this hasn’t inspired you enough, I have a few things I like to think to myself and say to other people to get their creative juices flowing. Just don’t thank me — thank knowing I have to have a certain amount written tonight and I’m writing a blog on my Tumblr because that is obviously the same thing (no it’s not) (I also put some quarters in a jar) (And then I went out in a rainstorm to buy a Christmas candle). Let’s do this: 

- Do your work.

- Get to work.

- Get working already.

- WORK.

- WERK.

- YOU BETTER WERK.

- Honestly what the fuck.

- GET FUCKING WRITING.

- If you write something now, you can have a cheese bun.

- That cheese bun was delicious and the only way you will burn it off will be by writing a thing.

- Write a thing.

- TV’s awesome tonight so you shouldn’t watch it — write instead.

- Okay, you just watched all that TV — now aren’t you motivated to write?

- Congratulations! It’s a new day! Write something.

- All the best writers stayed up past midnight, anyway.

- Just kidding, it’s only 7 13 p.m. here which means you have lots of time to write.

- You’re going to feel awesome once you’re done writing.

- Make that scented candle you bought proud.

- EARN that third can of ginger ale.

- You know that person you hate? They’ll go away if you start writing right now.

- You know that person you like? They’ll date you if you start writing right now.

- You know that person who’s staring at you in the coffee shop? They won’t come over and tell you to stop staring at them or else if you start writing.

- Prove your guidance counsellor wrong.

- Prove your parents wrong.

- Prove your friends wrong.

- Prove your cat wrong.

- Prove that squirrel you almost hit with your car wrong.

- Prove that mug with Kermit the Frog on it wrong.

- Are you seriously still not writing? What’s the matter with you.

- Honestly, is this blog not enough?

- Are you not motivated to do something better than this?

- Look at this — you could do something a million times better

- GOOD LORD, STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW AND WRITE SOMETHING GREAT.

So there you go. If I coached a fitness class, I would be terrible because all I would say is “ughhh this is so stupid I really hate this.” But if I coached a writing class, I would still probably be terrible because I’d have left five minutes in for more cheese buns, and then gone back to my house where I’d prove that fucking squirrel wrong once and for all. (Which explains this post entirely.)

I hope this helped.

- Anne T. Donahue (the “T” stands for “Thomas,” duh)

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